~callofcharon

this cannot be undone. although i've lost my grip on daily joys i started to move into some diffrent kind of lifestyle.

this is maybe because of the book i've been reading nowadays. many of you should know it: "The Fountainhead" which is an overwhelming experience through 'optimism philosophy' created by its author. Giving your soul some time to heal itself, and appreciates your humane selfishness...

Books began to make sudden changes in my perspectives lately. i became a wet clay which is shaped by every word i read. it's not that like they give me a chance to think somethink new. All of them reminds me something, some thought, i've owned but have forgotten through time. The remarkable ones were "Flowers for Algernon", "When Nietzche Wept" and "The Fountainhead"

now i think of some other kind of aspect. they may not shaping me as i'm a wet clay but they may be drying my quintessence. Cause, as i gain some new intellectual forms, i sense that i slowly lose my sceptic side. i am becoming a mind that i hated for a long time. That mind is static. unchangable... knows something and holds onto it. it is a mind, that cannot accept other minds' divertive rules. it is a mind of a monster. addicted and dedicated to one thing: destruction.

(metaphorically of course) (or not )

yeah, it's frightening but don't worry for me. i believe in that something good will appear.

Cannot be undone if The Probability (i mean, The God) doesn't play with me.

BTW, i won a short story competition of my university. it was open for all other Turkish Universities. many of the competitors were from other universities. i couldn't get the first place. It's like a 5Th place. To be clear, Second honourable mention it was, and brought me about 250 euros. (500 YTL for Turkish readers )


do i count it as a success? i cannot answer it. i will let you consider it, if it is a success or not. the circumtances are like these:
Firstly; in Turkey, at high school you are let to choose your profession. there are four choice. You can be a mathematics-science student; a mathematics-Turkish(as a lesson) student; a social lessons' student; or a linguistics student. three of these four do not care about science and maths. only maths-science students can study engineering, maths, or other sciences which has numerical principals at University. they become mathematically thinking persons as they graduate.
what i am telling is that, i was the only one who studies at a math-science department of a University.
secondly; just before the last day of application to competition i decided to write something. At day time i created the theme, i wrote a script, i turned that script into a roleplaying game script, i made a friend of mine (ziya) play it. then i went to home. i turned the script into a literatural script. at 8 pm i started to write it. at 6 am i stopped. i slept. i woke up at 8 am. i edited my work which has been completed 2 hours ago. i printed 8 copies of 10 pages. my printer broke down at last pages. i managed to get the last pages clearly by chance. run to school. gave the coppies.
thirdly; the story i wrote was in horror genre. it is not rare, but an uncommon genre in Turkey. But! The horror story i wrote was in a sub-genre called Cthulhu Mythos. it is not uncommon. It is RARE in Turkey! this sub-genre was born in America of 19th century and it can also be considered as uncommon for most of the Americans. Main stories of it can be found hard to read and boring by common readers. If you like this sub-genre, you should be a fan of it because the way of writing is not so cool. btw: Although Stephen King dislikes the creator of it and the common ways of writing in this sub-genre, he also wrote stories in this sub-genre. (Long Live Lovecraft!)(may nyarlathotep guide your soul!)

that's it! now gimme your best shot
regards, Can Toraman.




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